Tag Archives: life

Needs

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My needs are changing. Maybe because I’m changing. It has been happening subtly, but there are moments when the “veil’ is lifted and I see a new portion of the new me revealed…idk, it’s a strange sensation. Scary and exhilerating at the same time. Life is such a carousel, so freakish and beautiful, and absolutely dizzifying. Sometimes I wish it would just stop – but would rebel if it did :D 

Ok, my sister is back and wants to talk…gtg…

…Emotions

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I feel really sad. Right now i want to cry, and it’s not because everything is going wrong, or that i can’t write, or work sucked – none of those things are true. I’m sad because I think i just fell out of love with my very first love.

I think I just realized I was in love with someone who never existed in this person. I feel like I’ve been in love with a fairy tale – or worse, just some figment of my imagination.

It all started with a dream last night. And ended with an old photograph. Long story short…hammer on a glass egg.

It’s hard to feel this way. It’s hard especially since he won’t understand. It’s hard because he won’t care – because I won’t tell him. It will just end.

Maybe i was just in love with the idea of being in love? That makes me angry – at myself. But is that such a bad thing? Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is never arrogant, and does not find fault with malice…it goes something like that…Is it wrong to want a lil more love and patience, kindness, humbleness, and acceptance in our lives?

No. It’s not.

But I don’t wanna be just another person in love with L.O.V.E. 

Sigh. Maybe I’m just full of estrogen. That would make me feel better…;) lol…hey, it already did…

But seriously…any thoughts? Overall, i would like to know what love really feels like before I die. Not so that I can kiss, have marriage, have sex (not that they HAVE to be in that order – i’m only human…), and have kids…but because love is the ultimate state of living. At least, that’s what I think it is. The bible says that God is Love. And there’s a saying that cleanliness is next to Godliness…so if we scrub behind our ears, shouldn’t we want to love? I wanna be as close to a goddess as I can! Hahaha…I know, such deep thoughts riddled with such ridiculousness…It’s a part of my sarcasm aka. recovery process, and is probably rather warped. But I don’t care, idc, I’m feeling the mood and just letting it come out of my fingertips…

moment of thought that can’t be written. wow.

Ok, ok. Fingertips shutting up in 5,4,3,2,1…

Work was actually good. Life is good. I just feel like I’m mourning something that never really was. :( I’ll sort it out, or I’ll just pull a Scarlett and figure it out after I finish my fafsa, essays, and committee applications :) Yep. “Tomorrow is another day!” = priceless. 

With hope… :)

Blind touch

Short Story…

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Dear readers…

…I’m sorry for the lack of blog – feel like a terrible blogger – but I have reasons. Work, writer’s block, and guilt for said writer’s block. Yep, oh, and housework. My house is in shambles because I have been trying to cure my WB (writer’s block, teehee…). Houston, I think we’ve found the problem. Do any other writers find that some of their greatest inspiration comes from cleaning their houses? And even if they don’t, I do, so…why am I ignoring this wisdome @_@? Hmmm…neway!

Quick update on life: Summer is here and that is exciting. I’m planning my vacation, and school, and working a lot. Hopefully I’ll have more inspiration to write, and then I’ll find the time.

Till then…lemme go clean my house (yuck, I hate dust, but dusting is worse!), and during that time I invite you guys to read this short piece written a month or so back. Constructive crit is welcome, maybe I’ll find some fresh breath from your thoughts! Much love and the best wishes. Till a much sooner post than this…

Sincerely,
Scatterbrained :P

_-_-_

Gold my beloved

~Gold, My Beloved~

There are no words to describe him. Only thoughts, thoughts spun so closely and intricately together that she cannot unwind them, not even for herself. She stands within a hall, a hall of color, swirling with clouds of sheer gold, and she spins, dancing, beating the walls, freeing the clouds, and loosing herself in her thoughts.

Moments of gold. Her memories of him are the strands of gold in the carpet she weaves. Shimmering and rare. They are flowers, hard lines, and raindrops. Flowers were in her hair, the buildings lining the streets she was walking were hard, straight lines, and raindrops were falling on her face. There she saw him the first time, one thread of gold in her life of blue. His eyes the color of honey, his hair the color of ink, his smile the color of starlight, his voice the color of water as he spoke to her “Namaste…” A golden thread.

“How fast she weaves. How fast she leaves. How fast she walks wherever she is going these days.”

Mother can talk. Sisters can talk. Grandmother and all the neighbors; they can whisper and speculate, they can ask and demand, but the threads are woven furtively. Secret looks, accidental meetings brung about by so much planning that none could comprehend. Why? Why do anything but for gold. The gold of his smile, the gold of his touch. When he touched her hand, returning her anklet, her fingers were made gold. Now, she who never cared for money, all she wants is gold. Gold to adorn her fingers, her wrists, her cheeks, her hair…and her lips.

She dreams of kisses. Of holding hands and lingering words. While she weaves a thread of gold she dreams of walking by the shop, of pausing to look in the window, of catching his eye; catching his heart. She weaves a thread – an excuse, to go out and walk along his street, to stop in the square, taking a long drink. She weaves a thread and smiles at him, when he looks her way and waves.

While she sleeps under stars of silver, she dreams of her moon of gold. The sun is bright when he asks after her mother, her smile is warm as fever when she speaks. Her tongue falls over itself, tripping over threads of an anxious heart. He laughs in amusement, his honey eyes dancing. She blushes scarlet. He is of gold.

She weaves a spiral in gold. Her heart is falling. There are others just as handsome, others just as sweet, but only he brings a glimmer to her eyes. She weaves a single thread of gold.

The night is a royal blue, with tiny flowers of silver sewn in place, an orb sparkling, round, its threads reflecting golden rays down. Down onto the water, above she waits on the bridge. Shadows are deepening, one is moving, surely coming to her and she smiles. Honey in his smile, cinnamon in his eyes, golden features. Spiced sweetness perfectly blended. They stand apart, so unsure. But of course.

“How bright she smiles. Look her cheeks. She blushes as she weaves.”

He comes and he goes. Her heart flutters and then flies. Gold – all her world is gold. She weaves a thread and smiles, glittering threads are everywhere. Even the rain is gold, the dark starless night. All her world is gold – all her world is him.

Quick Update!

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enchantinglight_pp18

Today is a busy day, I am currently posting this while simultaneously paying off car insurance, washing hard wood floors, and checking my e-mails. Yes, Superwoman’s daughter has been discovered. NOT. Actually, I’m about to lose my mind.

So why am I posting this now?

Just to say that I have finally figured out how to do chapter two of Mademoiselle Butterfly, Yay! It’s not written yet – writing comes on me time, and I haven’t any now – but it is sitting in my head, waiting, patiently I pray. LOL. Anywho…I find the news promising, and wanted to share that it will be posted soon, hopefully (thanks for caring June :) )

Alright. Now, I will go finish my floor, eat some lunch, and get dressed for work. Hope anyone reading this has/had a great day. Toodles!

– Aranel

PS.  I promise to write a longer entry later. Till then…enjoy ;)

Edward could sOoo play Eric! And Naomi could play *spoiler sensor beeping*

Edward could sOoo play Eric! And Naomi could play *spoiler sensor beeping*

ACT Scores

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A month ago, I took my ACT…

Today, I got my results…

Happiness is mine!

After much anticipation, worry, and prayer, the results are in, and I am very, very happy. Not only with the score themselves, but what they reflect to my major (English), and how much tuition is going to cost. YAY!!! My dreams suddenly seem possible, and I have an incredible surge of energy and much loved inspiration.

LOL. Ok, now that I have effused sufficiently…A little celebration. A vid about obsession, all writers, (scratch that), all I *girls* are familiar with it, and I, for one of both parties, lmao, love being obsessed with something. Except Twilight, ugh. Neway, I digress…I’m going to embed the vid…enjoy!

Much love to you all :)
– Aranel

PS. Work was great. Hot, because the ac is broken, but still, now I’m home and in hindsight work was great, lol.