Monthly Archives: July 2009

In Sleep He Sang to Me…


More banners! I’m a visual person I guess, lol…






And two more for a very special person, June…aka. Miss Bluestocking! I was simply inspired…


from Daniel Deronda


per Mansfield Park

…a big thank you to Long Ago Captures for some of the caps :)))

Work is life, life is great…le sigh…now I have to go wash dishes :D)))

ps. June, I’m working on Redbriar, I’ve just hit a…rough patch…Not sure how I want the next chapter to go, I just can’t *see* it yet. Hopefully i will soon, thanks for caring!

pps. If you use, please credit…thanksies!


Phantom of the Opera Banners


I love the Phantom of the Opera, the novel by Gaston Leroux as well as the movie adaptation starring Gerard Butler – the starlove of my life. So I made these…first of many :) hehe…Hope you like. Victorian period was very, very…mmm…attractive ;)



cutting the laces






Feel free to use BUT…credit please :)

Well, later guys, I’m tired…



My needs are changing. Maybe because I’m changing. It has been happening subtly, but there are moments when the “veil’ is lifted and I see a new portion of the new me revealed…idk, it’s a strange sensation. Scary and exhilerating at the same time. Life is such a carousel, so freakish and beautiful, and absolutely dizzifying. Sometimes I wish it would just stop – but would rebel if it did :D 

Ok, my sister is back and wants to talk…gtg…



I feel really sad. Right now i want to cry, and it’s not because everything is going wrong, or that i can’t write, or work sucked – none of those things are true. I’m sad because I think i just fell out of love with my very first love.

I think I just realized I was in love with someone who never existed in this person. I feel like I’ve been in love with a fairy tale – or worse, just some figment of my imagination.

It all started with a dream last night. And ended with an old photograph. Long story short…hammer on a glass egg.

It’s hard to feel this way. It’s hard especially since he won’t understand. It’s hard because he won’t care – because I won’t tell him. It will just end.

Maybe i was just in love with the idea of being in love? That makes me angry – at myself. But is that such a bad thing? Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is never arrogant, and does not find fault with malice…it goes something like that…Is it wrong to want a lil more love and patience, kindness, humbleness, and acceptance in our lives?

No. It’s not.

But I don’t wanna be just another person in love with L.O.V.E. 

Sigh. Maybe I’m just full of estrogen. That would make me feel better…;) lol…hey, it already did…

But seriously…any thoughts? Overall, i would like to know what love really feels like before I die. Not so that I can kiss, have marriage, have sex (not that they HAVE to be in that order – i’m only human…), and have kids…but because love is the ultimate state of living. At least, that’s what I think it is. The bible says that God is Love. And there’s a saying that cleanliness is next to Godliness…so if we scrub behind our ears, shouldn’t we want to love? I wanna be as close to a goddess as I can! Hahaha…I know, such deep thoughts riddled with such ridiculousness…It’s a part of my sarcasm aka. recovery process, and is probably rather warped. But I don’t care, idc, I’m feeling the mood and just letting it come out of my fingertips…

moment of thought that can’t be written. wow.

Ok, ok. Fingertips shutting up in 5,4,3,2,1…

Work was actually good. Life is good. I just feel like I’m mourning something that never really was. :( I’ll sort it out, or I’ll just pull a Scarlett and figure it out after I finish my fafsa, essays, and committee applications :) Yep. “Tomorrow is another day!” = priceless. 

With hope… :)

Blind touch

Maiden upon a Hill


maiden upon a hill

I saw him, sitting across the room.

It was like lightning had struck me.

Standing there, like a tree, I was quivering at the clouds, at the very threat of the wind. I felt fear crawl through my stomach like a spider, spinning a paralyzing web.

As I scanned the room, looking for a face I knew, I found his – one foreign to me.

I was struck by cool, blue lightning…yet I was not burnt.

How strange it was, to find safety in the place where I had always found danger – in a stranger’s eyes.

Since then he has not left me. Though distance seperates us…though my silence seperates us. I may not be with him, but he has not left me.

Will I ever see him again? I do not know. Will he ever think about me, or care if I think about him? I do not know.

Can lightning strike the same place twice?

I shall stand on this hill. Alone. Like the tree beyond me. I shall stand, bare or with leaf. When sad or happy, and wait.

I will wait for the lightning. I will wait for the burning.


I will waight.